anorexia, bulimia & co. - eating disorder..?

Sometimes it hits me - the fact that I'll probably will never be able to eat like I used to.

I can't remember clearly how I used to eat. All I know is that things were not always like they are now.
I remember that I did not use to worry about all the things I ate after a meal. I just ate whatever I wanted to and then I moved on.. and I did not waste another thought about the bolus that was then being churned by my stomach. I just forgot about it and if you asked me what I ate a couple of hours ago, I would not have been able to tell you. I also did not use to get bloated; I ate and ate and ate.. but my stomach seemed to stay flat.

Since (maybe) two years everything is different. I don't seem to forget the calories of the groceries I consume on a day to day basis. I worry about a meal before I ingest it, while I'm ingesting it, and after I've ingested it. I find myself summing up everything I ate multiple times during a day. I cannot even control it, it just happens. I always try to imagine what is sitting in my stomach at that very moment and how much longer it will take until it will be released into my duodenum. Whenever my stomach grumbles I try to find out what could be causing that noise, and what is happening in my digestive tract.
I get bloated after every meal, and most of the times the bloating does not go away, even if I don't eat anything for many hours. Actually, I'm constantly bloated. Doctors keept telling me that I'm suffering from a "pancreas inflammation", and that they can't help me. They annoy me so much.
I don't even know how many thoughts and how much time I spend on thinking about ingestion, gaining weight, losing weight, maintaining weight, digestion, nutrition, calories.. And honestly, my knowledge about all this shit just scares me.

Even though I actually don't want to lose weight any more, I'm still afraid of gaining.. I'm also still afraid of certain foods and I need to push myself all the time to eat those things..

Fortunately, it has gotten a lot better, and that gives me hope to stay strong. I just want this nightmare to finally come to an end. Being obsessed with food and weight is so exhausting, and basically just a total waste of time.